The Sandra Seeley Column

A Widow's Handbook               In my last article on navigating widowhood, I suggested going on adventures. In 2024, I spent my birthday as part of the crew on a historic tall ship. For my 79th birthday in 2025, I donned a racing suit, helmet and HANS device, mounted my Mustang Dark Horse vehicle and drag raced down the Charlotte Motor Speedway at over 100 mph! Who knows what I'll be doing in September 2026? In between birthdays, I keep trying to think of ways to meet a special friend, someone to have dinner with, see a movie together, or share a holiday. It would certainly make the days less lonely. So I'm developing a Widow's Handbook for meeting a friend.  Since bars are not my cup of tequila, I started hanging out at Home Depot. When asked if I need help finding anything, I say, "No thank you. I'm just browsing." Then I walk up and down the aisles looking for a handsome gentleman of a certain age with no wedding ring. Finding a handyman wo...

January 4, 2025 Dearest Tammy, I was a freshman in college at California State College, now called Pennsylvania Western University, California, in 1965 when I first heard the exciting news! I had a baby sister! I remember that day as if it were a minute ago. To quote the Irish novelist, John Banville, “The past beats inside me like a second heart.” (Just a few fun facts about my friend, John. He grew up in Wexford, Ireland and was born on 12/8/45.) I was living in the Green Street dorm on the second floor. This was before the existence of cell phones, so when we got a phone call or wanted to make one, we had to go down to the lobby. Nothing like having to make or receive calls while any number of dorm residents and their guests might be lounging there on couches and chairs. The phone was mounted on the wall right outside of the resident hall director’s (warden’s) office. On a side note, there was also a campus wide curfew of 10:00 PM. A piercing whistle would sound all over campus to w...

Plan An Adventure Birthdays have a habit of coming every year, whether or not you are grieving. September 13, 2024 marked the fourth birthday without my beloved, Ed. Family was going to celebrate with me on the 15th, but I did not want to be alone on my actual day. I made reservations for a one night stay at the beautiful Courtyard Erie Bayfront Hotel by Marriott.  Note to my readers: Tell people when it is your birthday. The hotel staff gifted me with a free dinner and free breakfast the next morning.  At the last minute, I decided to invite my sister, Tammy Warholic Comino to join me on this trip. She graciously accepted and even did the driving. Her superpower has always been driving a manual shift transmission vehicle (a stick shift), and she does so very smoothly! So I was going on an adventure with my sister in a fun car. Our hotel even provided a free ($25 value) breakfast for her, too.  We visited the lighthouses on Presque Isle, but the highlight of the trip for...

The journey from Childhood to Widowhood happened too soon. After almost three years without my beloved Ed, grief still comes in waves. Sometimes I feel as if I'm caught in a riptide of sadness that won't release its grip on me.  Today would have been our 46th wedding anniversary. This milestone's gemstone is the pearl. So with that in mind, I hope to offer some pearls of wisdom to others grieving the loss of the love of their life. To continue the riptide analogy, I'm choosing to not struggle against the current. I allow grief to manifest itself, but I'm the one in control. By choosing to be happy, I'm swimming parallel to shore and safety (less sadness) is the end result. This morning, I dressed in some pretty summer clothes, put on jewelry Ed had bought me and left home wearing a smile. Eating alone in a restaurant has never been a problem for me. I always take a book with me, which often sparks conversations with strangers about my current bestseller. Sometim...

My experience with ballet began when my daughter was a fourth grade ballerina at the Sue Richard Dance Studio. For the past three years, we have shared our love for dance by attending an annual ballet at The Benedum Theater in Pittsburgh. My first professional ballet was La Bayadere, The Temple Dancer. Next came Le Corsaire, The Pirate. This year on February 11th, we saw Alice In Wonderland, the White Rabbit following girl, who enters a world of magic and mayhem. While attending La Bayadere, I would not have been able to define " arabesque " or " port de bras ", but my heart knew something special was happening when I witnessed the visually stunning and rhythmic tapping of the toe shoes in the scene called " The Kingdom of the Shades ." I was mesmerized by the stability and precision of the dancers. It was only recently that I learned that Mikhail Baryshnikov considered this ballet to be one of the greatest, if not the greatest classical w...

Aged To Perfection Kris Kristofferson has performed for me via 8 track tape, cassette tape, CD and live at The Palace Theatre, Greensburg, PA. I’ve listened to his music from the 1970’s to January 27, 2017 and beyond, where a full house joined me in a music appreciation evening of raw Kris. The intimate feel of this Palace jewel suggested a gathering of friends in my living room, singing along with our talented, guitar playing friend. The lights dimmed, Kris, sans introduction, walked to center stage alone, plugged in his guitar, adjusted his neck harmonica and began the first of many fan favorites. For the next two hours, to paraphrase the lyrics in a Billy Joel song," Kris sang and played me a memory." I was transported back to a time of polyester leisure suits and bell bottom pants, platform shoes and lava lamps, youth and marriage, Jaws and a Bahama honeymoon, more future ahead of me than behind. Kris wore his jeans and age with equal comfort. The Si...

Wolfgang, we didn't have enough time with you. January 19, 2017 was the worst day of our lives. Late morning we called the vet, who would make a house call at 7:00 PM. We sat on death row with you all day counting down the hours. You made many trips outside just to feel the grass, see the sky and smell your favorite scents. You said your good-byes to Debbie, your favorite mail carrier, who always left treats in the mailbox for you. We pulled out all your toys one by one, and tried to engage you in play. We know eating was difficult for you, but you still managed to eat some of your favorite Frosty Paws ice cream and apple slices. If I have a choice, my last meal will be ice cream also. We hugged and kissed you as many times as you and time would allow. How can this be the last time we will feel your heart beating in rhythm with ours? How can we do what needs to be done? How can we not? Wolfgang, we tried to be as courageous as you. For seven months you battled the...

The sun rolling high Through the sapphire sky Keeps great and small on the endless round "From the day we arrived on this planet, The Circle of Life is moving us all." And yesterday our family circle widened, with many of us witnessing the surprise proposal as Brandon, on bended knee, asked for Jessica's hand in marriage with a sapphire and diamond ring. It was an emotional day filled with love, tears of joy and laughter. Two families are now in the early stages of blending. We get to share treasured stories with fresh ears to hear. Our family gains a new son, grandson, brother, cousin, etc. Our daughter, Jessica, gains a second family of loving relatives. Exciting plans will soon begin while "visions of sugarplums dance in our heads." Wedding date, church, hall, gown, music, flowers, parties, colors, food, guest lists, invitations, oh my! I've already started a mental list: lose more weight, learn to dance, earn more money and shop for my d...

Ducky Birthday To You! Today is Mom's 98th birthday which we celebrated on Saturday by taking her on the Just Ducky tour of Pittsburgh. When asked if this was something she wanted to do, she replied, "I'm game!" So here she is wearing her Cocoon sunglasses, ready to roll (literally) at Station Square. Our Amphibious Vehicle Rose is a former Monessen Greyhound who fell in love with a Donora Dragon. She met her Andy when she and a girlfriend stole several pieces of chocolate covered cherries from an unopened box in his unlocked car that just happened to be parked near her house. The girls were sitting outside on her porch when the cherries called to them. Andy returned to his car, and asked them if they saw the thieves. They denied any knowledge of this heinous crime, but struck up a conversation that lasted for more than 57 years. It was only after several years of marriage that Rose admitted to being the Cherry Thief. Every Valentine...

From coast to coast in 51 minutes I would like to share a memory as vivid as the day it happened over 45 years ago. This particular recollection took place in the early 1970's. I was flying solo from Pittsburgh to Tampa, Florida as a young, single female. Some people may have considered me fairly attractive. Also, since this is my story, I can remember (invent) my physical description! But, I believe the attractiveness factor played a role in this story. And this description is stored in my ROM, so it's not easily altered! But, I digress. As often happens in air travel, my expected landing in Tampa did not occur on the expected date. Due to heavy fog, the plane was diverted to Jacksonville for the night. The hotel accommodations were luxurious and complimentary. Breakfast the next morning was problematic. I stood in the entrance to the hotel restaurant, and realized, with all the passengers trying to eat at the same time, there were no empty tables. And no time t...

I'm a steelworker's daughter, the first of the baby-boomer generation, raised on my Dad's WWII Navy stories, who misses him more every year. He sailed on his final voyage twenty years ago, today. There are countless things I would like him to know, so Dad, this one's for you: Dear Dad, You joined the Navy because of the attack on Pearl Harbor. You would be devastated to know about the attack on 9/11/2001, in the heart of New York City and all the senseless attacks in our schools, churches, movie theaters, marathons, transportation systems, police forces and on random individuals. How fervently you would have prayed your daily Rosary for peace. Do you know that every man, woman and child now carries a cell phone, including me? They are no longer the size and weight of gold bars (roughly 27 pounds), but fit easily in pockets and purses. I can just see you shaking your head at technology. I remember how I used to love watching you develop pictures in your dark...

It's hard to believe, but the fifth grade students I taught in 1969 at Waianae Elementary School are now around 56 years old. Soon to be Senior Citizens with children and grandchildren of their own. How is this possible? Thanks to mental instant replay, I can travel back in time and see myself as I once was, forever twenty-three years old. I'm living in a furnished teacher's cottage. Just a quick stroll across the playground, and I'm in my classroom, or vice versa. No rush hour traffic jams for me! My rent is $12.00 a month which includes water. Gas or electric for heat is not necessary. My three roommates are from California and life-long friendships are being formed. The campus of Waianae Elementary School occupies fifteen acres of land with 1,350 students from grades K-6 (six sections per grade). Every two grade levels share a two story building. It reminds me of a collection of motels. I'm on the upper level of the 4th/5th grade building. Every classroom doo...

I just finished reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne for the third time. The first time was around nine years ago. I decided to just play around with the Law of Attraction according to the basic premise of The Secret : I can attract something to myself through the power of my mind. Thoughts operate on different frequency levels and can be measured. Like a human transmission tower, my magnetic thoughts are sent out into the Universe attracting all like things on the same frequency, and then returned to me. Thoughts become things. The Law of Attraction is always working, whether I believe it or understand it or not. The Bible also tells us, "Whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matthew 21:22) So the Three Step Plan in both books seems to be: Ask, Believe, Receive. I asked for a Lamborghini and 20/20 vision. I also asked for  a red horseshoe magnet as tangible evidence of the Law of Attraction. The red magnet idea came from a man, who a...

From the 1960's to my personal 60's (spanning 50 plus years), from Peter, Paul and Mary to Keith Urban, from protest marches to gratitude for just being able to walk, this wannabe musician is finally taking guitar lessons again. (I took lessons for about a year in my flower child days.) You can find me every Wednesday afternoon jamming (or trying to) at From the Top Music Shop in Monongahela, PA. Bill and Renee Teck, owners and instructors are top of the line musicians. My instructor, Bill, is patience personified. I don't know what he says to Renee about me when I leave, but he gives me praise, confidence and motivation. In other words, the ideal teacher. My Yamaha acoustic guitar has weathered the years well. It responds to classical, folk and rock commands equally, depending on the skill of the person playing. YouTube makes it possible to practice with any musician, living or dead. I recently practiced with Mick Jagger, The Beatles, Crosby, Stills & Nash a...